Mystery Of The Mentally Ill Musician

Me and my banjo

June 19, 2016

San Diego, CA

I got this email today, asking me to join a new Meet-Up group that’s forming in my area. It started with:

“I would like to start a Meet-Up group for mentally ill individuals who enjoy music and play an instrument.”

Well, I am a musician, and the thoughts that immediately ran through my brain, in this order, were:

#1. This is a joke, perpetrated by one of my funny musician friends. This is funny!

#2. This is not a joke, but rather, it’s someone asking me to help run a group that will help mentally ill individuals. I would love to help out this great cause!

#3. OMG…someone sent this to me because they think I’m mentally ill! WTF?

Now, I’m not making fun of mental illness here, so please, no lectures or hate mail. I’m just sayin’, why would I be on the receiving end of that email?

Why does someone think I’m mentally ill? Is it because I started playing the banjo?

As far as I know, I do not, nor have I ever, suffered from mental illness. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! And not saying that I won’t, someday, acquire a mental illness. Shit happens.

In the meantime, I deleted the email. If they resend the invite, maybe I’ll go check it out.

File this one under, “Things that make you go, hmmmm.”

Bugageddon, Anal Glands, & Tornadoes…What A Day!

Cadillac Ranch

Day 112 September 29, 2014

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma to Tucumcari, New Mexico

We were driving west on a pretty boring stretch of I-40 west, when suddenly, BLAMMO!! A swarm of about 50 bugs, ran smack dab into our windshield. It was ugly! A freakin’ bloody massacre! Otherwise, the drive out of Oklahoma City was uneventful. So, at least we had Bugageddon to talk about for a while.

Hello Texas!

When we got to Amarillo, Texas, we paid a visit to Swann Animal Clinic. I’d called ahead to make an appointment to have Dax looked at. Seems he was having a little problem with his anal glands. Yes, anal glands. This day was really shaping up nicely, wasn’t it?!

The folks at Swann Animal Clinic couldn’t have been nicer. Ends up Dax had an infection, so it was a good thing that we had him looked at. We got him set up with some antibiotics, thanked everyone, and went on our way. Poor Dax.

We didn’t know if we’d ever in our lifetime, be back in Amarillo, Texas, so we took a little time to go see what downtown Amarillo looked like. Checked that off.

Old building in downtown Amarillo

Downtown Amarillo

Fun, cool angles

Very pointy…

Downtown Amarillo

Don’t mess with Texas!

When we got back on I-40 west, we were in such a deep discussion about donuts, that we almost passed right by Cadillac Ranch. Thank the good lord that we saw it just in time!!

Looking quite tiny, in the distance = Cadillac Ranch

Here’s an excerpt from Wikipedia….

“Cadillac Ranch is a public art installation and sculpture in Amarillo, Texas, U.S. It was created in 1974 by Chip Lord, Hudson Marquez and Doug Michels, who were a part of the art group Ant Farm. It consists of what were (when originally installed during 1974) either older running used or junk Cadillac automobiles, representing a number of evolutions of the car line (most notably the birth and death of the defining feature of mid twentieth century Cadillacs; the tailfins) from 1949 to 1963, half-buried nose-first in the ground, at an angle corresponding to that of the Great Pyramid of Giza in Egypt.”

The infamous Cadillac Ranch. Let the spray painting begin!

Cadillac Ranch

We had a fantastic time at Cadillac Ranch! A nice young couple there gave us a can of their spray paint so that we could actively participate and leave our mark on the old cars. The interactiveness of it all, really enhanced our experience of the place.

Cadillac Ranch

Love this place!

Endless fun with spray paint

Nice couple who shared their spray paint with us

Cadillac Ranch

Goodbye Cadillac Ranch

Whatever…….

Back on the road to Tucumcari

If your horse needs a vacation, this is the place….

New Mexico….looking a little blurry at 65 mph

Under the threat of tornadoes in the area, we made our way to Tucumcari. We were smack dab on the old Route 66, the Mother Road, surrounded by super cool mid-century modern architecture, signage and landmarks. Cool stuff, so we did a little drive about before stopping at Tucumcari Cactus RV park.

Cool stuff on Route 66 in Tucumcari

It was getting late, and we were too tired and lazy to cook dinner, so we walked over to nearby Del’s for dinner. Being that we were in Tucumcari, well, we didn’t expect a great meal or anything. So we were blown away by the completely delicious food and great service. If you’re ever in Tucumcari, this is THE place at which to dine!

So far, no tornadoes. As we walked back to the RV park, we felt the wind pick up, and felt a little rain falling. Lucky us, it wasn’t until we were safely back in the Space Shuttle, that the sky began to rock ’n roll. Wind, lightening, thunder….all night long. It kept us a little on edge, but, that’s as bad as it got. No tornadoes. It was a totally great day after all.

The Day That Went To The Dogs!

Mark and Dax hike up a steep, narrow street in Old Quebec City

Day 97 September 14, 2014

Quebec City, Quebec

Canada

Lucky for us, French Canadians love dogs, and dogs are allowed on the passenger ferries that cross the river into Quebec City. So Dax and Trixie would be hangin’ with us in the big city today!

Taking the ferry to Old Quebec City

Mark and I, and Dax and Trixie spent all day wandering around Old Quebec. There was one downside to having the pups with us. It was really cold outside, and although we’d have loved to been able to sit inside and eat lunch in a nice warm bistro, we couldn’t. The French Canadians don’t love dogs that much. So we ate lunch outside in the cold. That’s what coffee’s for…to warm up. So we drank a lot of coffee.

Old Quebec City

Interesting architecture in Old Quebec City

A lot of tourists in Old Quebec City

Old Quebec City

After lunch, Dax and Trixie met a very nice Irish Wolfhound, who was touring the city with her people. Her name was Harriet. She was spectacular! The biggest Irish Wolfhound I’d ever seen!

I started thinking that maybe Harriet the Irish Wolfhound, was my mom, Harriet Cohen, reincarnated. My mom wasn’t particularly fond of dogs, so this would kind of make sense that she’d have to come back as a regal and beautiful dog…ya know, to gain a love and appreciation for dogs! At least, I think that’s how it works.

When we were thoroughly worn out from the cold and from so much walking around, we took the ferry back to the other side of the river. Dax was being Mr. Congeniality on the ferry. He was smiling at everyone, getting lots of pets, and giving lots of kisses. He was pretty much the center of attention on that ferry ride! Trixie ignored everyone, as usual, and just searched for scraps of food on the ground.

Later that evening, we drove back into the city to have dinner. We easily were able to park the Space Shuttle just a couple blocks outside of Old Quebec. And we were able to go out to dinner, without the dogs, to enjoy a little French Canadian cuisine. Or, as we dubbed it, Cuinadian!

I tried to order in French. I have no idea what actually came out of my mouth when I spoke. But the waitress appreciated my attempt, had a good laugh with us about it, and brought me what I ordered! Cie la Vie!

I got what I ordered!

Girl With The Nerdy-Geeky Full-Body Anti-Bug Suit

Somewhere on west coast of Newfoundland.

Day 84 September 1, 2014

Red Bay, Labrador to Portland Creek, Newfoundland

We’d been sequestered inside the Space Shuttle since sundown the day before…since the nasty biting black fly attack and counter-attack. We’d planned to stay in Labrador another day and night, but couldn’t stomach the idea of dealing with that again. Both of us already had welts from yesterday’s attack, and they were pretty painful.

In fact, we were so afraid to go outside, that we got up at 5:30 am, fired up the engine, and got the hell out of there. If we were lucky, we’d be able to catch the 8:00 am ferry back to Newfoundland. And we were lucky, and we did.

Early morning drive to the ferry terminal to leave Labrador

Adios Labrador. I hope I can go back there some day. But, next time, I’m gonna buy one of those completely nerdy-geeky full-body anti-bug suits.

Couple hours later, we found ourselves touching ground back in Newfoundland. We stopped somewhere along the coast to walk the pups and to get some fresh fly-free air!

Back in Newfoundland! Cute church. Somewhere on west coast of Newfoundland.

Somewhere on west coast of Newfoundland.

And off we went to the next historic site….L’Anse aux Meadows, where there’s evidence of an old Viking settlement. And by evidence, I’d be referring to dead people. Or, actually, grassy mounds that were burial sites.

Getting close to L’Anse aux Meadows…

Near L’Anse aux Meadows

Mark and Fiona

Near L’Anse aux Meadows

In California, this shack would cost about $1.2 million.

Near L’Anse aux Meadows

There was also an historic reenactment village nearby. Those historic reenactment kinds of places kind of creep me out, but it’s like seeing a car accident on the side of the road…you just can not stop looking. So, we visited that too.

@ the Viking reenactment village

@ the Viking reenactment village. Mock-up of a viking game board.

@ the Viking reenactment village

The view at nearby St. Anthony’s.

As we drove south, we enjoyed the beautiful sunset on the coast, and then finally docked for the night at Mountain Waters Resort Campground in Portland Creek.

Grandpa Was An Iceberg Hunter… & Other Adventures in Labrador

Ferry boat @ St. Barbe

Day 83 August 31, 2014 Part 1

St. Barbe, Newfoundland to Red Bay, Labrador

Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada

Another day, another ferry boat ride. First thing in the morning, we got in line for the ferry over to Labrador. Technically, the ferry takes you to Quebec (the Province, not the city), and then you drive to Labrador. And technically, you could drive across Canada, through the province of Quebec, and across Labrador on the Trans-Labrador Highway, and never get on a ferry, but we like ferry boats, and we’re not so crazy about unpaved roads. We met a few people who’d done the drive, and word was that the long unpaved parts were pretty brutal.

Ferry boat @ St. Barbe

Fiona, on the ferry

Goodbye, Newfoundland

Time to be creative on the ferry

Proof that we came from aliens!

So, here we were, on the ferry to Blanc Sablon, Quebec. The ride was less than an hour and a half, and smooth sailing all the way. There weren’t many people on the ferry, but we did manage to meet a nice young couple who were on their way to see her grandfather in Mary’s Harbour.

They told us that they would have about a 1.5 hour drive on an unpaved road once they reached Red Bay. Red Bay, the end of the paved road in eastern Labrador, was our destination.

The couple also told us that her grandfather would have drinks waiting for them that were made with iceberg ice. And technically, yes, ice from icebergs. And in case you’re wondering, yes, her grandfather does actually go out on a boat and chip off ice from icebergs!

Apparently iceberg ice is super dense and lasts much longer than the ice cubes that we all are used to. I see a great benefit there…no longer having watered down drinks from melted ice. I wish I could grow an iceberg here in southern California.

Upon landing in Quebec, we took the road east and crossed into the Province of Newfoundland and Labrador. We’d made it to Labrador!! And it was looking as if we were in the minority. Labrador was even more sparsely populated than Newfoundland. And the landscape was vast and beautiful!

Arriving in Blanc Sablon, Quebec

Which way to go! Labrador…go right!

Still in Quebec

Not in Quebec anymore!

Artsy-Fartsy, Fishy, & Full of Cows

Cape Breton

Day 76 August 24, 2014 Inverness to Dingwall, Nova Scotia, Canada

On the way out of Inverness, we stopped at the Inverness County Center for the Arts. We viewed the local art, and bought some cow themed greeting cards done by a local artist. We were eyeing some whimsical wooden cow sculptures, but decided against taking one home with us.

Inverness County Center for the Arts. Our first art stop.

Up the road a bit, we stopped to peruse the La Bella Mona Lisa Gallery. They were also selling more of the exact same series of greeting cards that we’d just purchased. We found out that the artist who did the cards, actually owned this gallery. We bought a couple more cards for our collection.

Our second art stop.

Heading clockwise around Cape Breton.

Cape Breton

What’s this? A secret government project? Cape Breton

Cape Breton

Rocky alcove, Cape Breton

Great views! Heading clockwise around Cape Breton.

Further on up the road, I spied a funky grey shack with a “Folk Art” sign hung on the side. Too interesting to pass up! But when we walked up to the door, it was closed for the day. Damn!

Our third art stop. Home of the cows and of the fresh mackerel.

As we were walking away, we saw an older couple getting out of their car and waving to us. We lucked out! These were the owners of the folk art shack. They were just returning from a day of fishing.

The wife came over to talk to us and to open the art shack for us, while the husband went inside the adjacent house. In a couple minutes, the man came back out. In his hand he held up a very large zip lock baggie, full of these amazing fishies that he’d just caught. And for no reason other than to share, he gave them to us! Fresh caught mackerel. They were beautiful….shiny and colorful like I’d never seen!

Mark put the fish in our fridge, and then we all went into the art shack to have a look around. Imagine our amazement to see a shack full of wooden animal sculptures, including cows. Well, what do you know? This fisherman was the actual artist! And yes, he was the same artist that made the cow sculptures we’d been admiring back in Inverness.

Our fate was sealed. We had to buy a wooden cow. It was meant to be. I knew this wouldn’t be a purchase we’d regret later. We already owned one wooden cow sculpture that we’d bought 30 years ago in Wisconsin. It was time we owned two cows.

That’s how we became “five.” 2 Crazy People + 2 Dogs + 1 Airstream Motorhome + 1 Cow

We spent the night at the Hide-A-Way Campground in Dingwall. Pretty cool campground, with great views of the coast. After watching the sunset, we cooked up those amazing mackerel that the cow artist had given to us. They were almost too beautiful to eat! Delicious!!

Campground

View from our camp site

Great views from the campground.

An interesting neighbor. Will make a point to meet them in the morning.

An interesting neighbor. Cool camper! Will make a point to meet them in the morning.

Fresh as you can get, mackerel.

The British Explosion vs The Halifax Explosion….Who Knew?!

Halifax, as seen from the Harbour Hopper

Day 73 August 21 Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada

Following our long morning dog walk, i.e., our attempt to poop out the pups, we drove back into downtown Halifax.

Morning dog walk in the park

We took the Harbour Hopper amphibious boat tour, which started out with a driving tour around the city, and ended up with a cruising tour on the harbor. The tour hosts were entertaining, and we got a good overview of all the cool stuff to see in Halifax.

Out and about on the Harbour Hopper tour

Halifax, as seen from the Harbour Hopper

It was on the Harbour Hopper that I finally found out what the Halifax Explosion was. I thought it was a reference to a music movement, ya know, like the British Invasion, or British Explosion refers to the time when all the great British Bands and British culture became popular in the United States. And I kept waiting to hear about all the great bands coming out of Halifax.

Wrong!!!

The Halifax Explosion was a huge freakin’ explosion out in the harbor back in 1917. Short story is that a French cargo ship loaded with wartime explosives, had a collision, which started a fire on board, which led to the big KABOOM!! Killed about 2,000 people, injured almost 9,000 others, and obliterated almost all of the buildings within a half-mile radius. The blast was the largest man-made explosion prior to nuclear weapons.

Explosions are cool in the movies….not so cool in real life. But the cool thing that did happen, was that this was the beginning of an everlasting love between Halifax and Boston. Seems that Massachusetts was key in the relief effort, sending doctors, nurses, medical supplies and household goods to help out the people of Halifax. And to this day, every Christmas, the Province of Nova Scotia presents a giant Christmas tree to the City of Boston. And this would also explain why we saw so many people in the city wearing Boston Red Sox t-shirts and caps.

Anyways….safely back on land, we took our own walking tour around the city, and booked a tour of the Alexander Keith’s Brewery. This brewery tour was unlike any other. It wasn’t so much a tour of the actual brewery, as it was an historical reenactment of the history of the brewery. Sounds corny, but it was actually quite fun and really well presented, and we got free beer.

Poutine!

Halifax

Cool building in Halifax

Halifax. Another old church.

@ Alexander Keith’s Brewery

Come evening time, about the only thing left was to find some good live music. And so, we did. We first found an awesome guitar duo playing at The Carleton. And we finished up the evening at Durty Nelly’s, where there was a good old fashioned Ceilidh (kind of an Irish music jam).

@ Durty Nelly’s

“The Dump Station Blues” And Other #1 Hits

On the coast, just south of downtown Lunenburg

Day 71 August 19 Lunenburg, Nova Scotia, Canada

Before we went into downtown Lunenburg, I had one little obligation to fulfill. The night before, our dinner hosts had been begging me to bring my guitar over to play for them, and I had refused. They finally left me alone when I promised them that I’d come over in the morning, with my guitar.

Since I never break a promise, my guitar and I (and Mark) went over to Steve and Janet’s motorhome for a goodbye serenade. And this is when it got weird.

Steve and Janet’s site was right next to the dump station. For you non-rv-ers, a dump station is where you dump the holding tanks in your rv. In other words, it’s where you dump shit, literally.

There I was, standing there with my guitar, talking to our friends, when a guy pulls his trailer up to the dump station. I’m standing right outside his driver’s side window. He’s staring at me with my guitar, and I’m staring right back at him. And that’s when I instantaneously made up, created, and performed for the very first and very last time, “The Dump Station Blues.” Yep, I just belted it out right there!

It was just one of those perfect moments in time when all the stars aligned and an unforgettable moment just happened. I’m pretty sure that it’s the first time anyone’s ever been greeted by live entertainment at a dump station. It’s certainly the first (and hopefully the last) time I’ve ever performed at a dump station.

Sorry, but there are no pics of my dump station performance, however, here are some lovely pics of Lunenburg and the surrounding area……

Lunenburg Academy

Yippeee…found another graveyard next to Lunenburg Academy

Quaint, colorful houses in downtown Lunenburg

Quaint, colorful buildings in downtown Lunenburg

Downtown Lunenburg

Lots of old house renovations going on in the downtown area

Downtown. An electrical maze.

Building detail in downtown Lunenburg

Of course there were old, quaint churches in Lunenburg

The waterfront

After exploring downtown, we headed south on the coast, just outside of town. The coastline was stunning!

A cute shack on the coast, just south of downtown Lunenburg

Mark The Explorer

Beautiful coastline

Interesting rock formations

On the coast

Local art, in a tiny shack, with an honor box to take payments

On the coast,

On the coast, just south of downtown Lunenburg

Beautiful coastline

While we were walking about, I spotted this very elderly couple taking a walk. They walked so slowly, that I was able to quickly catch up with them and talk with them. They lived just across the street from the water, in a house they had built for themselves 50 years ago. Lovely people! Lovely place!

Cute old couple taking a stroll.

Late in the day, we ended up at the campground at The Ovens Natural Park. Got ourselves an amazing campsite on the rocky shore.

The Ovens, campground

We made a dinner reservation at the very tiny on-site restaurant, ‘Ole Miners Diner, which proved to be a very cool thing. Not only did we have a delicious dinner, but we enjoyed live music by Steven Chapin, brother of the late Harry Chapin. We were later told that the Chapin family owns the campground, although I never did verify this info.. Either way, it was a wonderful way to end the day.

Earlier in the evening, Mark poses in front of the ‘Ole Miners Diner

I Freakin’ Hate The Letter “A”

Parish Church of Mont-Carmel

Day 66 August 14

By day #66 of our big trip, I was getting freakin’ tired of the letter A. Not really tired of the whole alphabet yet, just the A.

When we were driving, we’d listen to music from my iphone (plugged into the USB port, and coming in loud and clear on our stellar stereo system). But every freakin’ time I’d re-start the phone, or we’d stop somewhere and then start driving again, the song “A-1 On The Jukebox” by Dave Edmunds, would come blaring out.

Freakin’ drove me nuts!! I never could figure out how to stop that from happening. Seems that the system wants to always start playing with the first song, alphabetically speaking, on my phone.

Damn freakin’ “A.” And the song, “A-1 On The Jukebox,” damn that too. I’d die happy if I never have to hear that again…ever!!

Moving on here…we left the campground in Moncton, and started the short journey to Prince Edward Island, or PEI, as it’s commonly known. We crossed over the eight mile long Confederation Bridge, marveling at the feat of engineering, as well as at the almost gale force winds that greeted us.

Clever (and snarky) sign at the campground in Moncton

Weird Canadian road signage.

On the 8 mile long Confederation Bridge.

A fun sign, welcoming us to PEI.

We ignored the uber windyness on PEI, and headed out on the North Cape Coastal Drive on Rt 1A (ironic, no? we were on the 1A, and were also plagued by that increasingly irritating song “A-1 On The Jukebox. coincidence? I think not!).

On the 1A towards Summerside.

There was a ton of cool stuff to explore as we drove clockwise around the island. A cool old church, glass bottle houses, beautiful scenery.

Parish Church of Mont-Carmel

Cool graveyard @ Parish Church of Mont-Carmel

Glass Bottle House

Lucky us, we found a nice campground for the night, right on the waterfront…Crystal Beach Campground. And lucky us, we arrived early enough to be treated to a most beautiful sunset. A great ending to a great day!

Our home for the night

Sunset @ Crystal Beach Campground

Blue, Mark, & Trixie pose for one last portrait of the day

Blue, Mark, Trixie, and Dax in the background…bed time.

Were We Abducted By Space Aliens?

Low tide @ Lubec, Maine

Day 63 August 11

August 11th was a day full of crazy shit.

First of all, somehow, after doing a crap load of laundry the day before, we’d ended up with more laundry to do in the morning. Maybe it was the doggie blankets, I don’t really remember now. But really, how much laundry can you create while living in a van?

Next was the funny woman we met at our campground. She had recently purchased an Airstream Interstate, just like ours, but newer. And, just like we were a year ago, this woman was absolutely clueless about how to operate her space shuttle. She was begging us for help when she couldn’t figure out why her vehicle was beeping. Uh, how ‘bout putting on your seatbelt? Yep, that.

Next crazy thing was me talking to AT&T and finding out that our most recent bill was $575. WTF???? Put them on the list of companies I hate.

We left our campground and headed up Route 1, just a little ways, to Schoodic Point, which is separate from the rest, but still, part of Acadia National Park.

Schoodic Point

Fiona @ Schoodic Point

Schoodic Point

Snorkeling

A little help….please…..

Gumby & Pokey do another photo shoot.

Schoodic Point

Man in nature

Check out the view from up here

Wheeeeeeeee!!!! We made it to Schoodic Point!!

Schoodic Point

As we were parking Fiona in what definitely seemed to be a “no parking” kind of spot, we were approached by a ranger. He wasn’t coming to tell us that we couldn’t park there, but he was coming over to talk to us about our RV, and to weasel his way into getting a tour of the inside. Seems he plans to retire in about a year, and wants to get a space shuttle just like ours!

We finally had to get on our way, said goodbye to Acadia National Park, and headed north. Just as we were leaving Schoodic Point, we saw a cow on a leash in somebody’s front yard. Yeehaw!! Must be Maine!!

It was early evening when we arrived in Lubec, Maine, the easternmost town in the USA.

Welcome to Lubec!

The sign-in board, as you enter Lubec

We walked around the tiny town, watched the sunset and marveled at the extreme low tide. Met some really nice local peeps watching the sunset, and more nice local peeps inside the local tavern.

Lubec

Low tide in Lubec

Lubec

The main street in Lubec

Fish mural in downtown Lubec

Tiny little main street in Lubec

Cute little town with cute little storefronts.

Lubec

It was in Lubec that we thought perhaps we’d been abducted by aliens, ‘cause the time indicated on our cell phones, kept switching back and forth by an hour. And Mark’s phone and my phone weren’t in agreement about what time it was either.

Finally, we figured out (‘cause one of those nice local peeps told us) what was happening. We were literally, at the border to New Brunswick, Canada, and New Brunswick is on Atlantic Time…an hour ahead of Eastern Time. Our electronic devices were confused, as they kept jumping back and forth to the Canadian networks and picking up the Canadian time.

Low tide @ sunset. Lubec, Maine

August 11th was a day full of crazy shit, but it stopped short of including alien abductions. Phew.

Eating With Chopsticks While Driving….Is it Legal????

There we are. The blue dot. Ugh. Amazing lack of good internet capabilities. Looks like we’re in outer space, at night.

Day 57 August 5

Trixie and Dax were due for a couple of their routine shots, and we wanted to get those taken care of before we went back into Canada. We’d called the Freeport Veterinary Clinic the day before, explained our travel situation, and got an appointment for this morning.

This turned out to be a really nice clinic, with a great vet and staff. Trixie and Dax seemed to enjoy meeting these new people and getting some special attention. And now, no worries about going back to Canada!

Awesome peeps helping pets!

Our only worry now, was the crazy driver next to us as we drove out of town. This was a first on my “Can’t believe I saw a person doing such and such while driving” list. OK, this guy was driving while eating, with chopsticks, from a Chinese food take-out container. Scary at first, and then total excitement and wonderment about how the heck he could do that while driving! Talent comes in many forms!

We were headed towards Rockland, where we were hoping to have dinner at a restaurant called Primo. This was another recommendation from Gary and Jane. We were super disappointed to find out that Primo is closed on Tuesdays. Bummer, but then, look at the money we probably saved by not being able to eat out. Silver linings come in many forms!

Once in Rockland, we stopped to visit the Farnsworth Museum of Art to see the Wyeth exhibits, and the other artsy stuff. Nice museum.

Rockland

Getting some culture @ the Farnsworth Museum of Art

The RV Park we ended up at for the night was interesting. Nice location and woodsy setting, with a killer coastline view from one of the walking paths. They also had a gigantic movie screen with huge booming speakers, set up in a field near our campsite.

Cute cottages for rent at the RV park.

Coastline view from the RV park.

At around 5:00 pm, they had a movie playing, with the sound turned up to about 12. Even Spinal Tap’s amps only went up to 11. This was freakin’ loud. Annoying things come in many forms!

At least the movie was over by 7:00 pm, and we had a good night’s sleep after all.

The Reverse Vortex of Hilariousness

Day 43 part 1

There’s an interesting phenomenon that happens as I travel, take notes, and then blog. It’s like a “reverse vortex of hilariousness.”

And as we travel, I keep a daily notes journal so that, by time I write my blog, I can remember everything that happened. I make especially sure to write down stuff that we do, say, or see, that Mark and I find absolutely hilarious. But, by time I get to translating my notes into a blog post, most of that stuff isn’t even funny anymore.

That, my friends, is what I call the “Reverse Vortex of Hilariousness.” It is when something that was once hilarious, becomes unfunny.

So, when you read this blog, and come across a particular post that seems not so funny, you must remember that funny shit happened, but it’s just not funny anymore.

Here’s an example:

On Day 43, July 22, Mark and I had a discussion about how many axles we’d get charged for for driving our RV across the Rainbow Bridge in Niagara. We thought it was hilarious that, if we had only one axle, we’d be a uni-axle.

See what I mean? Not really all that hilarious any more!! No need to write about that!

Don’t Mess With The Fritos, and other horror stories…

Another corn field?!

Day 30 July 9

Dax and Trixie went off to a local St. Charles dog groomer today. They were past due for baths and haircuts, and the space shuttle was starting to get just a hint of dogginess to it.

With the pups away, Mark and I were free to play for a couple hours, so we went for a bike ride on the Katy Trail. I noticed that nobody on this trail says hello to fellow cyclists. Quite a contrast to riding on the bike trail in Boise, Idaho, where everyone said hello to the point of annoyance! After getting dissed by at least 10 other cyclists, I decided to embrace the fact that I didn’t have to be social, and I could just enjoy my ride.

In the early afternoon, after picking up the pups, we went to the service appointment we’d made at Mercedes Benz of St. Charles. Nothing was wrong, we were just due for our “Service A,” which was basically an oil change. The guys there took good care of us, and we enjoyed having a good internet connection for a couple hours.

We hit the road again, with a bag of Chili Fritos in our laps. Didn’t really dig those so much. You shouldn’t mess with Fritos. There’s just no justification or need to mess with regular Fritos. If you need some flavored junky chip snacks, try Doritos. They come in all kinds of flavors. But leave the Fritos alone!

Crossing another state line. Always thrilling. Never boring!

Mark said we were heading to Carbondale, Illinois. I told him I didn’t want to go there. He told me that when he mentioned it before, that I’d said, “OK.” No, I had to set him straight.

“I did not! I said, I don’t want to freakin’ go to Carbondale. That’s me. Saying “OK,” that’s so not me. I would never just say “OK.” But saying F-No…that would have been me”

And so it went. And so did we…to Carbondale, via Rt 3, The Great River Road. We never saw a river though. Just lots of nice countryside and corn fields and cows.

Turn left! Turn Left!

I spotted some beautiful white cows in a field, and I wondered…If I was going to buy a couple cows, would I buy two white ones, two black ones, or one of each? Don’t even get me started about the multi-colored ones.

As we drove, a song came on the radio that I decided was the perfect travel song. Don’t know who sang it or what it was called, but the words were, “Roll in to town, Step off the bus, Wipe off the “where you came from” dust.” Perfect!

And, we rolled right into Carbondale, Illinois and then parked ourselves for the night at the Crab Orchard Campground.

Crab Orchard Campground

The Ties That Bind

Anywhere…USA

Day 23 part 1 July 2

On the 23rd day, I did some calculating. We’d driven 3500 miles so far, and we were only as far east as South Dakota. We were on track for the longest cross country crossing ever. By most people’s calculations, we should have reached the east coast by then.

In all these miles driven, through cities and through tiny towns, I’d found what unites us all as Americans. It’s our need for self storage facilities to store all of our junk. Those are the ties that bind us as a nation.

Everywhere we went, no matter how big or small of a town or city, and no matter how rich or poor of a community….there was always at least one self storage facility.

Why do we have so much stuff that we actually need to pay other people to store our stuff? Why can’t we get rid of any of it?

And while I’m analyzing this, let’s really call it like it is. By “stuff,” I mean “crap.”

There’s no logical explanation for this phenomenon, except for one. And that is, plain and simple, Americans just love their stuff.

Our Stuff….You’ll get it from us when you rip it from our cold dead hands.

Things Aren’t What They Seem!

Mt. Rushmore KOA

Day 22 July 1

Woke up this morning at the Mt. Rushmore KOA campground, excited to start the day and to get to Mt. Rushmore!

On our morning dog walk, we noticed the sign for an all you can eat pancake breakfast at the campgrounds. I don’t even like pancakes, and they’re not high on Mark’s food list either. But, when you travel, you have to experience things for experience sake. And that’s why we ended up at the all you can eat pancake tent that morning. And now, at least, we can check that off of the bucket list.

Had to try it once @ Mt Rushmore KOA

First stop of the day was the highly anticipated Mt Rushmore. We were both really excited to see this great American spectacle. And I have to say, I was kind of disappointed at how small it looked from the entrance. Big let down. Until we walked on the path that takes you closer up to it. And then, disappointment disappeared! So if you go there, you MUST take the walking path that takes you up closer for a much better look and appreciation of the big heads in the rock!

Big Heads in Rock

Yippeee!!! We’re at Mt Rushmore!

Mt Rushmore

A new head has been added @ Mt Rushmore!

Second stop of the day was the Crazy Horse Monument. I’d heard from others that this was an amazing thing to see. And I have to say, that I was also kind of disappointed when we first arrived. But here’s the thing….if you go there, you have to watch the film that’s shown in the theatre. The film explained and showed the magnitude of what is being done at the monument. When you look out at the monument, it just doesn’t look like much of anything. But, when you see what that mass of rock started out as, it is truly remarkable.

Crazy Horse. More impressive when you learn about than, than when you just look at it and don’t know shit about it.

American Indian bead collection @ Crazy Horse Monument

You know what else is remarkable about the Crazy Horse Monument? That I didn’t buy any jewelry from the American Indian craftspeople that were showing their work in the visitor center. I love jewelry, and there were so many beautiful pieces there. But, in my new minimalistic lifestyle, I’m pretty content to just admire, and not have to own.

From Fit To Frump in 21 Days. You CAN Do It!

Little Big Horn

Day 21 June 30

This morning, we drove into downtown Billings, just to get a quick peek at what it looked like. I wasn’t sure what to make of the place. As we entered downtown, I can’t remember which we saw first, the Women’s Prison, or the Department of Corrections building. Howdy folks. Welcome to Billings. We did a quick drive-a-bout and then got the heck out of town.

Sometimes, ok, all the time, when we’re driving, we have weird conversations. Or, I should say, we have conversations about weird stuff. Today our conversation centered on our lack of exercise since we’ve been on the road. Mark cracked me up when he said,

“I’ve got to get on an exercise program. I can still feel my chest muscles, but, maybe it’s just fat.”

Well, I hear ya bro! Pretty sure I’ve lost every ounce of swimming muscles in my arms. And I’m not sure I could hold a plank for longer than 10 seconds anymore.

A couple days ago, I tried to do some tricep dips on a picnic bench. I did a few, and promptly got a splinter in my hand. I took that as a sign that my exercise program shouldn’t start that day.

Why Do I Need My Muscles Anyway?

I need my muscles because on days like today, I need to be able to slam our sliding door shut.

We took the scenic byway out of Billings, onto Rt 212 East, so that we could stop at the Little Big Horn Battlefield National Monument. Call me crazy, but I don’t like war stuff. Maybe ‘cause, growing up in Virginia, I was dragged to every battlefield and war related place known to Virginians. I’m done with that stuff. Over it.

BUT….Little Big Horn Battlefield N.M. was one of the most beautiful and spiritual places I’ve ever been. The land itself is stunning, and the American Indian Monument kind of got to me. I think what I was feeling was “White Man’s Guilt.”

Little Big Horn

Graveyard @ Little Big Horn

Little Big Horn

Graveyard @ Little Big Horn

Little Big Horn

American Indian monument @ Little Big Horn

The 45 mph winds also got to me. It was howling out there, which made it on the difficult side to open and shut the large sliding side door. Yep, I need to rebuild me some muscles!!

Tiny Spaces Going Places

So, you want to know what it’s like for me and my family to live in a small van? Here’s a little simulation you can do at home.

Take two dogs, your significant other, one microwave oven, one camp stove, a small college size fridge, and all the stuff you need for daily living (clothes, toiletries, food, etc), and lock yourself in a small bathroom in your home for one week.

Section off the shower so that it is 2’ x 2’. That is the only part of it you are allowed to use. To get the full experience, hang a plastic shower curtain in the round to section off this area so that the shower curtain can suck on to your body as you shower.

And, by the way, you can only use 2.5 gallons of water per day per person. That includes shower, sink and toilet usage.

Any and all dirty laundry that you produce will stay in the room with you all week. Shouldn’t be too much laundry though, because you’re only allowed to bring 2 pairs of pants/shorts and 3 t-shirts/tops. You are allowed 7 pairs of underwear. If you have an accident, you’ve got yourself a problem.

So, what do you think? Can you do this? If you try it, and you are not bumping into each other and tripping over the dogs constantly, than you are doing the simulation in a bathroom that is way too big. Downsize, and try it again!

Jr. Rangers and The Pretzelberry

Selfie. Craters of the Moon

Day 18 June 27

Why Do Kids Get All The Good Stuff?

We spent a good part of the day exploring Craters of the Moon National Monument. There’s lots of little hiking trails that take you to all kinds of varying and cool volcanic formations.

Craters of the Moon

The Space Shuttle @ Craters of the Moon

Crazy dead tree @ Craters of the Moon

Craters of the Moon

Climbing on the lava formations @ Craters of the Moon

Mark @ Craters of the Moon

We met a nice couple from the San Francisco Bay area, with their young boy who was working on getting his Jr. Ranger badge. He was going to a Jr. Ranger workshop given by the park ranger, and he was doing work in his Jr. Ranger workbook, and was out hiking with mom and dad and learning stuff.

Obviously, this got me thinking… Why do kids get all the good stuff and get to have all the fun? Why is there just Jr. Rangers for kids? Why isn’t there like a Sr. Ranger thing for older people? I’d like to get a badge too, ya know.

And ya know what else? Those kids with all the great Jr. Ranger activities and stuff…they don’t even pay for their own trips to these cool places. Their parents pay for it!!!!! It’s a total free ride for them. Well, I’m payin’ for my own trip, and I want a freakin’ Sr. Ranger badge!!!!! Who can I talk to about that?!

The Pretzelberry

So, ok, one perk of being an adult, is that I can eat whatever the hell I want, when I want. That’s worth something, especially when you’re on a road trip, and you need to eat constantly, because you’re burning so many calories sitting on your ass all day driving from place to place that you’d probably die if you didn’t eat the whole time.

In the afternoon, we drove from Craters of the Moon, to Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming. That was 254 miles, where I got to eat anything I wanted. And that was when I invented the pretzelberry!!

The Pretzelberry

The pretzelberry is a pretzel & strawberry combo. A near-perfect mix of sweet and healthy, with salty carbs of no nutritional value what-so-ever. I say near-perfect, only because, what would have made it absolutely perfect, would have been some melted dark chocolate on top.

Alas, after consuming many pretzelberries, we arrived at Yellowstone, and settled into our campsite for the night.

Entering Yellowstone

Arriving at our campground

Rotating Dirty Clothes!

The Best Way To Rotate Your Travel Clothes

Since we travel real light (not much room for stuff/clothes in a B-van), what’s the best method of rotating your clothes?

Is it better to wear the same outfit 4 days in a row, or is it better to completely rotate your outfits every day?

In my opinion, it’s best to wear the same outfit every day for 4 days, and then start on a new outfit. That way, every 4 days or so, you get to put on a completely clean outfit.

If you have three outfits that you rotate every day, then after wearing them all for a couple days, then you’re just putting on dirty clothes EVERY day.

Underwear is exempt from this system. I highly recommend you change undies EVERY day!

We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Maps!

Mt St Helens off in the distance

Day #13

I had a few epiphanies on Day #13.

First, people in Washington love to fish. Everywhere we went, everyone was fishing. I have no interest in fishing, but, fisher-people dotting the landscapes of every river, creek, pond, and lake, was kind of cool.

Second, there’s a metric ton of forests in Washington. There’s plenty of space for Sasquatch to roam about freely without being seen. But, what does he eat? And how does he breed? Is there just one of him? He’s always referred to as Big Foot. There is never any mention of Big Feet, as in, more than one of them. If there’s only one of him, and he doesn’t breed, then, is he just really really old? And then, getting back to a previous inquiry, what does he eat to stay alive for so long?

Third, when in the countryside/foresty parts of Washington, it’s probably a good idea to do some research first, or, at least, ask directions, prior to driving a long way on the wrong road.

We had taken this particular road towards Mt. St. Helens, ‘cause on the map, it looked like it went right by Mt. St. Helens…and it did. But we learned today, from the ranger, that it was the other side of Mt. St. Helens that had blown out in the eruption in 1980…not this side that we were on. Oh. Shoulda asked about that first.

The Space Shuttle…on the “wrong” side of Mt St Helens

We looked at some big posters on the wall in the ranger station, showing the eruption and blown-out side, and decided that was good enough. And we continued on our merry way on the road we had already committed to.

At least we got a great view of the non-traumatized side of Mt. St. Helens, from a great lookout point on Curly Creek Road. And we’d purchased a video from the ranger station, that we watched that night. It was as good as going to the proper side. Got to see everything on the video. Phew…saved ourselves a whole heck of a lot of driving!

I drove a good part of the way as we headed back towards Hood River, OR. The winding mountain roads were beautiful, as was the Jethro Tull music that we had blasting on the stereo. A perfectly sublime road trip moment. And I thought to myself, “Life doesn’t get much better than this!”

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