Mystery Of The Mentally Ill Musician

Me and my banjo

June 19, 2016

San Diego, CA

I got this email today, asking me to join a new Meet-Up group that’s forming in my area. It started with:

“I would like to start a Meet-Up group for mentally ill individuals who enjoy music and play an instrument.”

Well, I am a musician, and the thoughts that immediately ran through my brain, in this order, were:

#1. This is a joke, perpetrated by one of my funny musician friends. This is funny!

#2. This is not a joke, but rather, it’s someone asking me to help run a group that will help mentally ill individuals. I would love to help out this great cause!

#3. OMG…someone sent this to me because they think I’m mentally ill! WTF? 

Now, I’m not making fun of mental illness here, so please, no lectures or hate mail. I’m just sayin’, why would I be on the receiving end of that email?

Why does someone think I’m mentally ill?  Is it because I started playing the banjo?

As far as I know, I do not, nor have I ever, suffered from mental illness. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! And not saying that I won’t, someday, acquire a mental illness. Shit happens.

In the meantime, I deleted the email. If they resend the invite, maybe I’ll go check it out.

File this one under, “Things that make you go, hmmmm.”

The Latest, Greatest, Newfangled Diet Device

The Cook’s Muzzle

May 9, 2016

San Diego, CA

Introducing…The Cook’s Muzzle. I invented this device last week, when I realized that I consume about a zillion calories, while I’m cooking dinner.

I always seem to start cooking about an hour too late, when I’m way past the point of making rational decisions about anything. And before you know it, I’m eating anything and everything in sight.

And so, I invented this simple device, which you wear while you’re cooking. It makes it impossible to consume unauthorized food products.

See!!! It’s impossible to eat while wearing The Cook’s Muzzle. No food is getting in here!

The Cook’s Muzzle isn’t just for cooking dinner either. You can wear it to prevent mindless gorging anytime you’re around food. My personal favorite….wearing it to parties where they’ll be lots of cakes and cookies. It’s also quite the conversation starter, except that you can’t really conversate while you’re wearing it. But, whatever! I assure you…you will meet interesting people nonetheless.

The Day That Went To The Dogs!

Mark and Dax hike up a steep, narrow street in Old Quebec City

Day 97    September 14, 2014

Quebec City, Quebec

Canada

Lucky for us, French Canadians love dogs, and dogs are allowed on the passenger ferries that cross the river into Quebec City. So Dax and Trixie would be hangin’ with us in the big city today!

Taking the ferry to Old Quebec City

Mark and I, and Dax and Trixie spent all day wandering around Old Quebec. There was one downside to having the pups with us. It was really cold outside, and although we’d have loved to been able to sit inside and eat lunch in a nice warm bistro, we couldn’t. The French Canadians don’t love dogs that much. So we ate lunch outside in the cold. That’s what coffee’s for…to warm up. So we drank a lot of coffee.

Old Quebec City

Old Quebec City

Old Quebec City

Old Quebec City

Interesting architecture in Old Quebec City

A lot of tourists in Old Quebec City

Old Quebec City

After lunch, Dax and Trixie met a very nice Irish Wolfhound, who was touring the city with her people. Her name was Harriet. She was spectacular! The biggest Irish Wolfhound I’d ever seen!

I started thinking that maybe Harriet the Irish Wolfhound, was my mom, Harriet Cohen, reincarnated. My mom wasn’t particularly fond of dogs, so this would kind of make sense that she’d have to come back as a regal and beautiful dog…ya know, to gain a love and appreciation for dogs! At least, I think that’s how it works.

When we were thoroughly worn out from the cold and from so much walking around, we took the ferry back to the other side of the river. Dax was being Mr. Congeniality on the ferry. He was smiling at everyone, getting lots of pets, and giving lots of kisses. He was pretty much the center of attention on that ferry ride! Trixie ignored everyone, as usual, and just searched for scraps of food on the ground.

Later that evening, we drove back into the city to have dinner. We easily were able to park the Space Shuttle just a couple blocks outside of Old Quebec. And we were able to go out to dinner, without the dogs, to enjoy a little French Canadian cuisine. Or, as we dubbed it, Cuinadian!

I tried to order in French. I have no idea what actually came out of my mouth when I spoke. But the waitress appreciated my attempt, had a good laugh with us about it, and brought me what I ordered!  Cie la Vie!

I got what I ordered!

The Dangers Of Speaking French! Who Knew?!

Longest covered bridge in the world!

Day 96     September 13, 2014

Somewhere in New Brunswick  to  Quebec City, Quebec

Canada

When I woke up this morning, and looked out at the lovely river view that we had from our camp site, all I could see was the massive amount of steam rising off of the water. I don’t imagine the water was warm at all, but that’s just how freakin’ cold the air temperature was!

I don’t know why, but I was still shocked to find out that the air temperature in the campground shower/bathrooms, was equally as frigid cold. Brrrrr!!! Mark and I decided that we’d go see Quebec City and Montreal, and then head the hell south. It was so cold that, for the first time ever, when we hit the road, we both turned on our seat heaters!

We took a detour to Hartland to drive across the world’s longest covered bridge.

Longest covered bridge in the world!

And another view of her….

And it spans this pretty river….

 

And on the inside….

And across we went, just to say we did.

And we stopped in Perth-Andover, where we had an amazing lunch at the Waterfront Bistro. Gourmet smoked salmon and asparagus panini. Delicious!

Chillaxin’ on the deck, waiting for lunch.

This would be our last stop in New Brunswick, which was a significant landmark. After this, we’d be crossing into Quebec Province, which is French speaking. I am not French speaking. Mark is barely broken-French speaking.

Our first stop in officially French speaking territory, was just over the borderline in Quebec, at Tim Horton’s. Using his not so stellar French, Mark tried to order one doughnut. We got six huge doughnuts. We proudly walked out of Timmy’s with a bag full of six doughnuts, and planned our strategy for survival.

It was time to bring out the big guns….the iPhone language translator app. Mark would speak French into the phone, and, in theory, the proper English words would be spoken back to us. Then, speaking as precisely as I could, I would try to mimic the French words into the phone, and then listen to the English translation spoken back to me.

Here’s a little chart of what I thought I said in French, and what the iPhone thought I said:

What I thought I said in French…………………..The IPhone’s English translation

I’m sorry, I don’t speak French…………………..I saved Jana Ronson

I’m sorry, can you say that again…..……….……I’m sorry, and you could diet

I’m sorry, repeat please…………………………..I’m sorry, pizza please

And then there was a translation that had something to do with telling someone they need pants. I decided that it’d probably be too dangerous for me to attempt speaking French.

At the end of our fun little day full of adventures, we checked into Motel et Camping Etchemin, just across the river form Quebec City. This was a combination motel and RV park. Lucky for us, the receptionist spoke perfect English. And so, we DID end up with a nice RV site behind the hotel, and NOT with a deluxe hotel suite!

You Call It Summer, I Call It Winter!

Local cuisine.

Day 95     September 12, 2014    part 2

Antigonish, Nova Scotia  to Somewhere in New Brunswick

Canada

There was still a lot of driving to be done today, so back on the road we went. We crossed most of New Brunswick on the highway, which meant that we didn’t see much, except for trees. New Brunswick has a lot of trees.

As evening approached, we found a really nice campground for the night. The place  was closing for the winter in three days, and it was pretty much empty except for a handful of New Brunswickians squeezing in their last few days of camping for 2014.

We had a site with a nice sunset view overlooking the river below. The view didn’t quite make up for the fact that it was butt-cold outside! We bundled up by layering on almost all of the clothes we had with us. Thank goodness we’d bought wool hats when we were in Newfoundland.

Once bundled up, we leashed up the pups to go on one last evening doggie walk. And that’s when we met a group of four New Brunswickians, out for an evening stroll around the campground. They looked at us, and we looked at them, and we all burst out laughing.

What was wrong with the picture was, that we were bundled up in lots of clothing, including hats, scarves, and gloves, and we were still cold. And they were out strolling around in shorts and t-shirts, and were perfectly comfortable.

When the New Brunswickians saw our California license plate, well, they said, “That explains it!” And when they found out we’d been living in the Space Shuttle for three months, one of them exclaimed, “Oh my gosh! You should be given some kind of award!” Haha!! Mark and I both laughed, and then agreed with her!

We bid these nice people good night, and went about our evening walk, in the frigid cold of the Canadian summer!

It’s cold out, but not so cold that we can’t drink a beer!

Will The Real Adam Sandler Please Stand Up….

@ Coffee Cove

Day 91     September 8, 2014

South Brook to Barachois Pond Provincial Park, Newfoundland

Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada

In the middle of the night, we’d been awoken by an alarm going off inside the Space Shuttle. Argh!! It was our tire pressure alarm. I disconnected the alarm so that we could sleep and deal with it in the morning. So now we had to deal with it.

Fiona in the morning @ Kona Beach Campground

One of our tires had dropped from 61 psi, to 54 psi. Mark was able to use our bike pump to get the tire up to 59 psi, but, we clearly had an impending situation on our hands. It had become obvious that our problem with those gas station air pumps the day before, had actually been a problem with our tire.

But ya know what? There wasn’t anyplace nearby to get the tire looked at. And since we could pump it up to 59 psi, well, that was good enough to keep us on the road until we reached somewhere where someone could help us.

And so, off we went, up Route 391 to King’s Point and to Rattling Brook to see the waterfalls. This is where we came to the conclusion that a lot of stuff in Newfoundland was falling apart. We walked up the trail as far as we could, only to find that the stairway path leading up to the great view of the falls, had been destroyed by a rock slide. I guess that, being pretty remote, and there not being many people around, Newfoundland just wasn’t in a big hurry to fix some stuff. I don’t have a problem with that.

Mark & Dax. Going to see the waterfalls, or so we thought.

End of the hike for us!

At least the hike there and back was pretty!

Pretty scenery across the street from the Rattling Brook Falls hike

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pretty scenery across the street from the Rattling Brook Falls hike

Dax the explorer…

Mark & Dax taking some photos

Next stop….St. Patrick’s and Coffee Cove. We parked in the parking lot at Church of the Sacred Heart, in St. Patrick’s, and ate lunch in the Space Shuttle . Down below was Coffee Cove. With a name like Coffee Cove, we were sort of hoping we’d find at least a cute little coffee shop . But, there didn’t seem to be anything but some scattered houses, and solitude.

Church of the Sacred Heart in St. Patrick’s.

The view down towards Coffee Cove

@ Coffee Cove. No coffee shop here!

 

 

 

Fiona in Coffee Cove. Mark’s down there having a look around.

@ Coffee Cove

Beachside was our next destination. Maybe we’d find a coffee shop there. Umm…nope…except for a small community of small houses, we didn’t see so much as a grocery store or anything out there. I found this, on Wikipedia,

“There is only one business located in Beachside and this is a souvenir shop called Newfoundland Souvenir Manufacturing Limited.”

Hmm, we missed that too. However, what we did find, was some absolutely spectacular scenery!

The beaches were actually a greenish color

So beautiful!

The weirdest thing about Beachside, which Wikipedia doesn’t mention anything about, was the color of the beaches. All of the beaches seemed to be green. Why? I don’t know. Too much spinach in the water? Probably not, as the water was a beautiful shade of blue. Well, there was too much of something on those pebbly beaches, I’m just not sure what.

Stopped for a photo op on the way back to the highway

Mark, taking a pic of the grand view…

Although actually not our main goal for the day, we did eventually find coffee…at the Springdale Tim Horton’s. Not so charming, but it did alleviate our cravings. Got some free internet while we were there as well.

Back from whence we came….heading south….

We continued our journey southwest on Route 1, all the way to Barachois Pond Provincial Park. We checked in with the on-duty park ranger, who bore an uncanny resemblance to Adam Sandler. And he was funny as hell too.

I bet he could make a fortune if he went on tour as an Adam Sandler impersonator. However, in the 10 minute comedic banter back and forth with him, he told us he’d never been outside of Newfoundland, and had no desire to travel outside of Newfoundland. Really? Not even in the winter? A little escape to Florida maybe?! This was kind of hard to believe.

Then it occurred to me that maybe this guy was the real Adam Sandler!! Maybe he goes to work and hangs out in Newfoundland during the summers. Ya know, to get away from the Hollywood scene and get some peace and quiet.

The ranger/Adam Sandler, did tell us that Barachois Pond Provincial Park has the reputation as a raucous weekend party destination. But we were there mid-week, and at the very end of the season. There was hardly anyone else in the park. Once again, we had our choice of campsites. We chose site #1, right by the lake. It was a good choice!

Barachois Pond Provincial Park

Evening walk around the pond

Evening walk around the pond

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunset from our campsite…site #1

Girl With The Nerdy-Geeky Full-Body Anti-Bug Suit

Somewhere on west coast of Newfoundland.

Day 84     September 1, 2014

Red Bay, Labrador to Portland Creek, Newfoundland

We’d been sequestered inside the Space Shuttle since sundown the day before…since the nasty biting black fly attack and counter-attack. We’d planned to stay in Labrador another day and night, but couldn’t stomach the idea of dealing with that again. Both of us already had welts from yesterday’s attack, and they were pretty painful.

In fact, we were so afraid to go outside, that we got up at 5:30 am, fired up the engine, and got the hell out of there. If we were lucky, we’d be able to catch the 8:00 am ferry back to Newfoundland. And we were lucky, and we did.

Early morning drive to the ferry terminal to leave Labrador

Adios Labrador. I hope I can go back there some day. But, next time, I’m gonna buy one of those completely nerdy-geeky full-body anti-bug suits.

Couple hours later, we found ourselves touching ground back in Newfoundland. We stopped somewhere along the coast to walk the pups and to get some fresh fly-free air!

Back in Newfoundland! Cute church. Somewhere on west coast of Newfoundland.

Somewhere on west coast of Newfoundland.

Somewhere on west coast of Newfoundland.

And off we went to the next historic site….L’Anse aux Meadows, where there’s evidence of an old Viking settlement. And by evidence, I’d be referring to dead people. Or, actually, grassy mounds that were burial sites.

Getting close to L’Anse aux Meadows…

Near L’Anse aux Meadows

Mark and Fiona

Near L’Anse aux Meadows

Near L’Anse aux Meadows

Near L’Anse aux Meadows

In California, this shack would cost about $1.2 million.

Near L’Anse aux Meadows

There was also an historic reenactment village nearby. Those historic reenactment kinds of places kind of creep me out, but it’s like seeing a car accident on the side of the road…you just can not stop looking. So, we visited that too.

@ the Viking reenactment village

@ the Viking reenactment village. Mock-up of a viking game board.

@ the Viking reenactment village

@ the Viking reenactment village

@ the Viking reenactment village

@ the Viking reenactment village

@ the Viking reenactment village

The view at nearby St. Anthony’s.

As we drove south, we enjoyed the beautiful sunset on the coast, and then finally docked for the night at Mountain Waters Resort Campground in Portland Creek.

“The Dump Station Blues” And Other #1 Hits

On the coast, just south of downtown Lunenburg

Day 71   August 19   Lunenburg, Nova Scotia, Canada

Before we went into downtown Lunenburg, I had one little obligation to fulfill. The night before, our dinner hosts had been begging me to bring my guitar over to play for them, and I had refused. They finally left me alone when I promised them that I’d come over in the morning, with my guitar.

Since I never break a promise, my guitar and I (and Mark) went over to Steve and Janet’s motorhome for a goodbye serenade. And this is when it got weird.

Steve and Janet’s site was right next to the dump station. For you non-rv-ers, a dump station is where you dump the holding tanks in your rv. In other words, it’s where you dump shit, literally.

There I was, standing there with my guitar, talking to our friends, when a guy pulls his trailer up to the dump station. I’m standing right outside his driver’s side window. He’s staring at me with my guitar, and I’m staring right back at him. And that’s when I instantaneously made up, created, and performed for the very first and very last time, “The Dump Station Blues.” Yep, I just belted it out right there!

It was just one of those perfect moments in time when all the stars aligned and an unforgettable moment just happened. I’m pretty sure that it’s the first time anyone’s ever been greeted by live entertainment at a dump station. It’s certainly the first (and hopefully the last) time I’ve ever performed at a dump station.

Sorry, but there are no pics of my dump station performance, however, here are some lovely pics of Lunenburg and the surrounding area……

Lunenburg Academy

Lunenburg Academy

Yippeee…found another graveyard next to Lunenburg Academy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quaint, colorful  buildings in downtown Lunenburg

Downtown Lunenburg

Downtown Lunenburg

Lots of old house renovations going on in the downtown area

Downtown. An electrical maze.

Building detail in downtown Lunenburg

 

 

Of course there were old, quaint churches in Lunenburg

The waterfront

The waterfront

The waterfront

After exploring downtown, we headed south on the coast, just outside of town. The coastline was stunning!

A cute shack on the coast, just south of downtown Lunenburg

Mark The Explorer

Beautiful coastline

Interesting rock formations 

On the coast

Local art, in a tiny shack, with an honor box to take payments

On the coast,

On the coast, just south of downtown Lunenburg

Beautiful coastline

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While we were walking about, I spotted this very elderly couple taking a walk. They walked so slowly, that I was able to quickly catch up with them and talk with them. They lived just across the street from the water, in a house they had built for themselves 50 years ago. Lovely people! Lovely place!

Cute old couple taking a stroll.

Late in the day, we ended up at the campground at The Ovens Natural Park. Got ourselves an amazing campsite on the rocky shore.

The Ovens, campground

We made a dinner reservation at the very tiny on-site restaurant, ‘Ole Miners Diner, which proved to be a very cool thing. Not only did we have a delicious dinner, but we enjoyed live music by Steven Chapin, brother of the late Harry Chapin. We were later told that the Chapin family owns the campground, although I never did verify this info.. Either way, it was a wonderful way to end the day.

Earlier in the evening, Mark poses in front of the ‘Ole Miners Diner

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How I Prevented The American vs Canadian War

Mark,  rockin’ the Modern Times Beer sweatshirt as we head to Nova Scotia

Day 70    August 18    Prince Edward Island to Nova Scotia, Canada

What a mess!! We did it again. Left our chairs and stuff outside all night. And it rained. Once again, everything was soaked. Still, such beginners!!!

Spent the morning doing laundry. Almost got in a fight with a French Canadian dude who was pissed that I was using both of the washing machines. In the name of international relations, I acquiesced and crammed all of my laundry into one machine….the ultimate sacrifice. War was averted. You Canadians can thank me by sending me Canadian swag.

With everything clean, and dry, we set off for the ferry terminal, and caught the ferry to Nova Scotia. Turned out it was a good day to travel, as it ended up raining most of the day.

Low tide at the PEI ferry terminal

In line to catch the ferry to Nova Scotia

The space shuttle, all tucked in on the ferry to Nova Scotia

Last look at PEI

 

 

 

The ferry boat…

Goodbye, PEI

Goodbye, PEI

Ahoy…thar’s Nova Scotia

Mark, capturing the first site of Nova Scotia

Once we landed in Pictou, Nova Scotia, we headed south. When the rain finally stopped, we paused for a couple photo ops in Mahone Bay, and then made our way to Lunenburg for the night.

Crossing the bridge to Halifax.

Mahone Bay

We stayed at the Lunenburg Board of Trade Campground, which was not so much a campground as it was a gravel parking lot. However, the upside was two-fold. First, the “campground” was virtually right in Lunenburg, so, location, location, location! Second, we met a hilarious couple, Steve and Janet, from Toronto who were in Lunenburg for a wedding. Steve and Janet invited us over to their motorhome for dinner. Not only did they provide the best burgers I’ve ever had, but they also provided non-stop pee-in-your-pants humor all evening long! They were funny as hell, and we had a great time!

I Freakin’ Hate The Letter “A”

Parish Church of Mont-Carmel

Day 66    August 14

By day #66 of our big trip, I was getting freakin’ tired of the letter A. Not really tired of the whole alphabet yet, just the A.

When we were driving, we’d listen to music from my iphone (plugged into the USB port, and coming in loud and clear on our stellar stereo system). But every freakin’ time I’d re-start the phone, or we’d stop somewhere and then start driving again, the song “A-1 On The Jukebox” by Dave Edmunds, would come blaring out.

Freakin’ drove me nuts!! I never could figure out how to stop that from happening. Seems that the system wants to always start playing with the first song, alphabetically speaking, on my phone.

Damn freakin’ “A.” And the song, “A-1 On The Jukebox,” damn that too. I’d die happy if I never have to hear that again…ever!!

Moving on here…we left the campground in Moncton, and started the short journey to Prince Edward Island, or PEI, as it’s commonly known. We crossed over the eight mile long Confederation Bridge, marveling at the feat of engineering, as well as at the almost gale force winds that greeted us.

Clever (and snarky) sign at the campground in Moncton

Weird Canadian road signage.

On the 8 mile long Confederation Bridge.

A fun sign, welcoming us to PEI.

We ignored the uber windyness on PEI, and headed out on the North Cape Coastal Drive on Rt 1A (ironic, no? we were on the 1A, and were also plagued by that increasingly irritating song “A-1 On The Jukebox. coincidence? I think not!).

On the 1A towards Summerside.

There was a ton of cool stuff to explore as we drove clockwise around the island. A cool old church, glass bottle houses, beautiful scenery.

Parish Church of Mont-Carmel

Parish Church of Mont-Carmel

Parish Church of Mont-Carmel

Parish Church of Mont-Carmel

Cool graveyard @ Parish Church of Mont-Carmel

Cool graveyard @ Parish Church of Mont-Carmel

Cool graveyard @ Parish Church of Mont-Carmel

Cool graveyard @ Parish Church of Mont-Carmel

Cool graveyard @ Parish Church of Mont-Carmel

Cool graveyard @ Parish Church of Mont-Carmel

Glass Bottle House

Glass Bottle House

Glass Bottle House

Glass Bottle House

Glass Bottle House

Glass Bottle House

Lucky us, we found a nice campground for the night, right on the waterfront…Crystal Beach Campground. And lucky us, we arrived early enough to be treated to a most beautiful sunset. A great ending to a great day!

Our home for the night

Sunset @ Crystal Beach Campground

Sunset @ Crystal Beach Campground

Sunset @ Crystal Beach Campground

Sunset @ Crystal Beach Campground

Blue, Mark, & Trixie pose for one last portrait of the day

Blue, Mark, Trixie, and Dax in the background…bed time.

Were We Abducted By Space Aliens?

Low tide @ Lubec, Maine

Day 63      August 11

August 11th was a day full of crazy shit.

First of all, somehow, after doing a crap load of laundry the day before, we’d ended up with more laundry to do in the morning. Maybe it was the doggie blankets, I don’t really remember now. But really, how much laundry can you create while living in a van?

Next was the funny woman we met at our campground. She had recently purchased an Airstream Interstate, just like ours, but newer. And, just like we were a year ago, this woman was absolutely clueless about how to operate her space shuttle. She was begging us for help when she couldn’t figure out why her vehicle was beeping. Uh, how ‘bout putting on your seatbelt? Yep, that.

Next crazy thing was me talking to AT&T and finding out that our most recent bill was $575. WTF???? Put them on the list of companies I hate.

We left our campground and headed up Route 1, just a little ways, to Schoodic Point, which is separate from the rest, but still, part of Acadia National Park.

Schoodic Point

Fiona @ Schoodic Point

Schoodic Point

Snorkeling

A little help….please…..

Gumby & Pokey do another photo shoot.

Schoodic Point

Man in nature

Check out the view from up here

Wheeeeeeeee!!!! We made it to Schoodic Point!!

Schoodic Point

As we were parking Fiona in what definitely seemed to be a “no parking” kind of spot, we were approached by a ranger. He wasn’t coming to tell us that we couldn’t park there, but he was coming over to talk to us about our RV, and to weasel his way into getting a tour of the inside. Seems he plans to retire in about a year, and wants to get a space shuttle just like ours!

We finally had to get on our way, said goodbye to Acadia National Park, and headed north. Just as we were leaving Schoodic Point, we saw a cow on a leash in somebody’s front yard. Yeehaw!! Must be Maine!!

It was early evening when we arrived in Lubec, Maine, the easternmost town in the USA.

Welcome to Lubec!

The sign-in board, as you enter Lubec

We walked around the tiny town, watched the sunset and marveled at the extreme low tide. Met some really nice local peeps watching the sunset, and more nice local peeps inside the local tavern.

Lubec

Low tide in Lubec

Lubec

Lubec

The main street in Lubec

Fish mural in downtown Lubec

Tiny little main street in Lubec

Cute little town with cute little storefronts.

Lubec

It was in Lubec that we thought perhaps we’d been abducted by aliens, ‘cause the time indicated on our cell phones, kept switching back and forth by an hour. And Mark’s phone and my phone weren’t in agreement about what time it was either.

Finally, we figured out (‘cause one of those nice local peeps told us) what was happening. We were literally, at the border to New Brunswick, Canada, and New Brunswick is on Atlantic Time…an hour ahead of Eastern Time. Our electronic devices were confused, as they kept jumping back and forth to the Canadian networks and picking up the Canadian time.

Low tide @ sunset. Lubec, Maine

Low tide @ sunset. Lubec, Maine

Low tide @ sunset. Lubec, Maine

August 11th was a day full of crazy shit, but it stopped short of including alien abductions. Phew.

Cannibalism & Bad Hair Days

Thunder Hole. Acadia National Park, Maine

Day 60    August 8

I tried to get a haircut today. It didn’t quite happen.

In the morning, we drove into Bar Harbor to look around. I spotted a trendy looking hair boutique downtown, and, as luck would have it, they could squeeze me in at noon. I was very excited to get my rat’s nest worked on!

Bar Harbor, Maine. Great sky!

At noon, I showed up as directed. But after a very lengthy conversation with the stylist about what miracle she’d be doing for me, she no longer had time to perform said miracle. Apparently, if you’re gonna talk and look at pictures for 45 minutes, you should do it prior to your hour-long appointment.

I left my appointment looking exactly like I did when I walked into my appointment.

And, back to Acadia we went to immerse ourselves in nature.

Acadia National Park, Maine

Thunder Hole

Thunder Hole

Acadia National Park, Maine

Acadia National Park, Maine

Acadia National Park, Maine

Acadia National Park, Maine

Acadia National Park, Maine

Acadia National Park, Maine

Acadia National Park, Maine

Acadia National Park, Maine

Acadia National Park, Maine

Eager to get some exercise, we hopped on our bikes and headed out on one of the beautiful carriage roads in the park.

@ one of the carriage roads

Away we go. Doin’ the carriage roads.

Wait for me!

We rode for quite a while, but when we decided we should head back, we couldn’t figure out exactly how to get back.

We shoulda paid attention to the signs!

Wheeeeee!!!!!!!

ugh…uphill

We took a couple of wrong turns, and had to double back on the trail a couple of times, before finding the branch of the road that we’d come in on.

We agreed that we were very unprepared hikers and bikers, and there was a pretty good chance that, if we had kids, we’d get lost somewhere and have to eat our kids to survive.

End of the day. Back at our campground.

Eating With Chopsticks While Driving….Is it Legal????

There we are. The blue dot. Ugh. Amazing lack of good internet capabilities. Looks like we’re in outer space, at night.

Day 57 August 5

Trixie and Dax were due for a couple of their routine shots, and we wanted to get those taken care of before we went back into Canada. We’d called the Freeport Veterinary Clinic the day before, explained our travel situation, and got an appointment for this morning.

This turned out to be a really nice clinic, with a great vet and staff. Trixie and Dax seemed to enjoy meeting these new people and getting some special attention. And now, no worries about going back to Canada!

Awesome peeps helping pets!

Our only worry now, was the crazy driver next to us as we drove out of town. This was a first on my “Can’t believe I saw a person doing such and such while driving” list. OK, this guy was driving while eating, with chopsticks, from a Chinese food take-out container. Scary at first, and then total excitement and wonderment about how the heck he could do that while driving! Talent comes in many forms!

We were headed towards Rockland, where we were hoping to have dinner at a restaurant called Primo. This was another recommendation from Gary and Jane. We were super disappointed to find out that Primo is closed on Tuesdays. Bummer, but then, look at the money we probably saved by not being able to eat out. Silver linings come in many forms!

Once in Rockland, we stopped to visit the Farnsworth Museum of Art to see the Wyeth exhibits, and the other artsy stuff. Nice museum.

Rockland

Getting some culture @ the Farnsworth Museum of Art

Getting some culture @ the Farnsworth Museum of Art

The RV Park we ended up at for the night was interesting. Nice location and woodsy setting, with a killer coastline view from one of the walking paths. They also had a gigantic movie screen with huge booming speakers, set up in a field near our campsite.

Cute cottages for rent at the RV park.

Coastline view from the RV park.

At around 5:00 pm, they had a movie playing, with the sound turned up to about 12. Even Spinal Tap’s amps only went up to 11. This was freakin’ loud. Annoying things come in many forms!

At least the movie was over by 7:00 pm, and we had a good night’s sleep after all.

The Reverse Vortex of Hilariousness

Day 43       part 1

There’s an interesting phenomenon that happens as I travel, take notes, and then blog. It’s like a “reverse vortex of hilariousness.”

And as we travel, I keep a daily notes journal so that, by time I write my blog, I can remember everything that happened. I make especially sure to write down stuff that we do, say, or see,  that Mark and I find absolutely hilarious. But, by time I get to translating my notes into a blog post, most of that stuff isn’t even funny anymore.

That, my friends, is what I call the “Reverse Vortex of Hilariousness.” It is when something that was once hilarious, becomes unfunny.

So, when you read this blog, and come across a particular post that seems not so funny, you must remember that funny shit happened, but it’s just not funny anymore.

Here’s an example:

On Day 43, July 22, Mark and I had a discussion about how many axles we’d get charged for for driving our RV across the Rainbow Bridge in Niagara. We thought it was hilarious that, if we had only one axle, we’d be a uni-axle.

See what I mean? Not really all that hilarious any more!! No need to write about that!

Don’t Mess With The Fritos, and other horror stories…

Another corn field?!

Day 30    July 9

Dax and Trixie went off to a local St. Charles dog groomer today. They were past due for baths and haircuts, and the space shuttle was starting to get just a hint of dogginess to it.

With the pups away, Mark and I were free to play for a couple hours, so we went for a bike ride on the Katy Trail.  I noticed that nobody on this trail says hello to fellow cyclists. Quite a contrast to riding on the bike trail in Boise, Idaho, where everyone said hello to the point of annoyance! After getting dissed by at least 10 other cyclists, I decided to embrace the fact that I didn’t have to be social, and I could just enjoy my ride.

In the early afternoon, after picking up the pups, we went to the service appointment we’d made at Mercedes Benz of St. Charles. Nothing was wrong, we were just due for our “Service A,” which was basically an oil change. The guys there took good care of us, and we enjoyed having a good internet connection for a couple hours.

We hit the road again, with a bag of Chili Fritos in our laps. Didn’t really dig those so much. You shouldn’t mess with Fritos. There’s just no justification or need to mess with regular Fritos. If you need some flavored junky chip snacks, try Doritos. They come in all kinds of flavors. But leave the Fritos alone!

Crossing another state line. Always thrilling. Never boring!

Mark said we were heading to Carbondale, Illinois. I told him I didn’t want to go there. He told me that when he mentioned it before, that I’d said, “OK.”  No, I had to set him straight.

“I did not! I said, I don’t want to freakin’ go to Carbondale. That’s me. Saying “OK,” that’s so not me. I would never just say “OK.” But saying F-No…that would have been me”

And so it went. And so did we…to Carbondale, via Rt 3, The Great River Road. We never saw a river though. Just lots of nice countryside and corn fields and cows.

Turn left! Turn Left!

I spotted some beautiful white cows in a field, and I wondered…If I was going to buy a couple cows, would I buy two white ones, two black ones, or one of each? Don’t even get me started about the multi-colored ones.

As we drove, a song came on the radio that I decided was the perfect travel song. Don’t know who sang it or what it was called, but the words were, “Roll in to town, Step off the bus, Wipe off the “where you came from” dust.” Perfect!

And, we rolled right into Carbondale, Illinois and then parked ourselves for the night at the Crab Orchard Campground.

Crab Orchard Campground

Crab Orchard Campground

The Ties That Bind

Anywhere…USA

Day 23  part 1      July 2

On the 23rd day, I did some calculating. We’d driven 3500 miles so far, and we were only as far east as South Dakota. We were on track for the longest cross country crossing ever. By most people’s calculations, we should have reached the east coast by then.

In all these miles driven, through cities and through tiny towns, I’d found what unites us all as Americans. It’s our need for self storage facilities to store all of our junk. Those are the ties that bind us as a nation.

Everywhere we went, no matter how big or small of a town or city, and no matter how rich or poor of a community….there was always at least one self storage facility. 

Why do we have so much stuff that we actually need to pay other people to store our stuff? Why can’t we get rid of any of it?

And while I’m analyzing this, let’s really call it like it is. By “stuff,” I mean “crap.”

There’s no logical explanation for this phenomenon, except for one. And that is, plain and simple, Americans just love their stuff.

Our Stuff….You’ll get it from us when you rip it from our cold dead hands.

Jr. Rangers and The Pretzelberry

Selfie. Craters of the Moon

Day 18   June 27

Why Do Kids Get All The Good Stuff?

We spent a good part of the day exploring Craters of the Moon National Monument. There’s lots of little hiking trails that take you to all kinds of varying and cool volcanic formations.

Craters of the Moon

Craters of the Moon

Craters of the Moon

The Space Shuttle @ Craters of the Moon

Crazy dead tree @ Craters of the Moon

Craters of the Moon

Climbing on the lava formations @ Craters of the Moon

Mark @ Craters of the Moon

We met a nice couple from the San Francisco Bay area,  with their young boy who was working on getting his Jr. Ranger badge. He was going to a Jr. Ranger workshop given by the park ranger, and he was doing work in his Jr. Ranger workbook, and was out hiking with mom and dad and learning stuff.

Obviously, this got me thinking… Why do kids get all the good stuff and get to have all the fun? Why is there just Jr. Rangers for kids? Why isn’t there like a Sr. Ranger thing for older people? I’d like to get a badge too, ya know.

And ya know what else? Those kids with all the great Jr. Ranger activities and stuff…they don’t even pay for their own trips to these cool places. Their parents pay for it!!!!! It’s a total free ride for them. Well, I’m payin’ for my own trip, and I want a freakin’ Sr. Ranger badge!!!!! Who can I talk to about that?!

The Pretzelberry

So, ok, one perk of being an adult, is that I can eat whatever the hell I want, when I want. That’s worth something, especially when you’re on a road trip, and you need to eat constantly, because you’re burning so many calories sitting on your ass all day driving from place to place that you’d probably die if you didn’t eat the whole time.

In the afternoon, we drove from Craters of the Moon, to Yellowstone National Park  in Wyoming. That was 254 miles, where I got to eat anything I wanted. And that was when I invented the pretzelberry!!

The Pretzelberry

The pretzelberry is a pretzel & strawberry combo. A near-perfect mix of sweet and healthy, with salty carbs of no nutritional value what-so-ever. I say near-perfect, only because, what would have made it absolutely perfect, would have been some melted dark chocolate on top.

Alas, after consuming many pretzelberries, we arrived at Yellowstone, and settled into our campsite for the night.

Entering Yellowstone

Arriving at our campground

Rotating Dirty Clothes!

The Best Way To Rotate Your Travel Clothes

Since we travel real light (not much room for stuff/clothes in a B-van), what’s the best method of rotating your clothes?

Is it better to wear the same outfit 4 days in a row, or is it better to completely rotate your outfits every day?

In my opinion, it’s best to wear the same outfit every day for 4 days, and then start on a new outfit. That way, every 4 days or so, you get to put on a completely clean outfit.

If you have three outfits that you rotate every day, then after wearing them all for a couple days, then you’re just putting on dirty clothes EVERY day.

Underwear is exempt from this system. I highly recommend you change undies EVERY day!

Celebrating Crummy Canned Foods From the 1960’s

Multnomah Falls, Oregon

Day #8

Since we’d un-virginized  the RV propane stove yesterday while preparing a wholesome  dinner of Dinty Moore Stew, it was easy to do the same today. So, while sitting in the Bridge RV Park in White Salmon, Washington, while Lew Farber began work on our solar upgrade, we dove right into another culinary bastardaization…lunch…Chef Boyardee Spaghetti and Meatballs.

My normally healthy eating habits were on a speedy decline. And I was actually enjoying it. I devoured the spaghetti and meatballs. I have heard people say that everything tastes extra good when you’re glamping, and I was beginning to believe it, ‘cause here I was, kind of enjoying my can of spaghetti!!

After lunch, Mark and I headed out on a day trip in a rental car, while Lew worked on the rig.

Lew, working on our solar panel install & upgrade. White Salmon, WA

We drove west from White Salmon, through Carson, and ended up at the Columbia River Gorge Interpretive Center. Cool museum.

Columbia Gorge Interpretive Center Museum

Columbia Gorge Interpretive Center Museum

Ya know what I learned at the Interpretive Center? That in Skamania County, it is illegal to hunt Sasquatch (Big Foot.).  The reason being this….If Big Foot was killed, and was deemed a human, than he would fall under the jurisdiction of the Sherriff’s Department. If Big Foot was killed and was deemed an animal, he would fall under the jurisdiction of the Department of Fish and Game. Neither department wanted to deal with it, so they just made it illegal to hunt him. Makes sense.

Enough of filling our brains with cultural stuff and information that’s difficult to retain. So we drove back over to the Oregon side of the river, to Multnomah Falls.

Multnomah Falls, Oregon

Multnomah Falls, Oregon

Mark, hiking back down @ Multnomah Falls, Oregon

Hiked to the top. I think it was about a mile to the top, via some steep switchbacks. We did secret races against the other hikers. Kicked ass on every single one of them. Slow and steady never wins any race. Faster is better, even if it kills you.

Like An Emu On Drugs, The Day Zooms By

The long long drive to Danville, CA.

Day #2…Hold onto your sox, ’cause I’m gonna zoom through Day #2 faster than a crazy emu on crystal meth and growth hormones. It’s not that the drive wasn’t nice, it’s just that we’ve done it so many times before. It’s just long.

Lots of driving, about 6 hours total. Santa Barbara to Danville, CA. Delicious lunch of Mexican food at La Plaza Bakery & Cafe, in the very flat and family friendly town of Greenfield, where Trixie posed for a nice portrait. And then, finally, arrival at Brian & Jen’s house (my brother-in-law/sister-in-law), where we bbq’d chicken and snacked on chips & homemade salsa, while Dax tried to eat one of Jen’s strawberry plants, earning him a couple of demerits.  End of day. And we retired for the night in the RV in our quiet and free parking spot out front.

Modern technology in Greenfield, CA

Trixie. Waiting for something to happen @ major intersection. Greenfield, CA

 

Quiet, free, and mostly flat parking spot. We’re all set for the night.