Hit Me While I’m Down. A Short Story About Me & My Barber

A couple of months ago, I went to the hair salon for a trim. I use the term “Hair Salon” in the loose sense of the term, by which I really mean “very inexpensive hole-in-the-wall barber shop across the street from my house.”

I’ve been going to this barber  since I’ve lived in this ‘hood. It’s cheap, convenient, and I don’t need an appointment. But at my last visit I was pushed to the limit of what a woman can withstand.

Upon completing my hair cut, the barber said to me, “You don’t have a modern cut, but you have what works for you.” WTF?? What the hell does that mean? I look like something out of the 1800’s? I look like shit, but it’s by choice?

I tried to shrug off her comments, and I asked her how much I owed her (she’s charged me a couple different prices in the past), and that’s when she mumbled something unintelligible. I had to ask her to repeat what she said, and out came this gem, “Do you get the Senior Discount?” Me: “How old do you have to be for the Senior discount?” Her: “65.” HOLY MOTHER OF GOD…I’m only 57!

I am so done with this place. I just can’t take it. Adios you hair hack!!!

 

 

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Wash, Dry, Ride, Repeat…My Hair, part 2

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Selfie. Me and my hair. May 5, 2016

San Diego, CA

May 5, 2016

So, I tried it again today…washed my hair, dried it, then followed up with a 15 minute scooter ride (with motorcycle helmet). And yes…it worked again!!! My hair was stunning!

I’ve found the perfect balance of the blow dryer poofing out my hair, with the motorcycle helmet flattening it back down. Good bye bad hair days!! And you thought motorcycle helmet laws were for safety!!! NOT! I now think that those helmet laws were carefully crafted by Vidal Sassoon himself!

I’m envisioning a big chain of hair salons where women get their hair done, then they sit on stationery scooters while wearing helmets. If that doesn’t work out, then I have another idea where women get their hair washed and cut, then they get driven around the block for 15 minutes, while they stick their heads out the window (like doggies do), resulting in the perfect blow dry style. Coming to a town near you……

Enough About You, Let’s Talk About Me and My Hair

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As a matter of fact, I do indeed own a hair dryer!

San Diego, CA

May 4, 2016

You probably don’t know this about me, but I’m obsessed with my hair. You wouldn’t know it by looking at me, ‘cause I’ve mastered the “Don’t Give a Crap About My Hair” hairstyle.

In other words, it usually looks like it’s “growing out.” Growing out from what, I’m not sure. You know the look. And I’d like you to believe that I just don’t care. But in fact, I do care. I’m just not willing to do anything about it….until yesterday.

My usual hair routine is this…maybe wash my hair, and then let it air dry. But yesterday…yesterday was special.

Yesterday I had a lunch meeting. And so I washed my hair, and then I dried it with a hair dryer. And then I put on my motorcycle helmet, and rode my scooter to my lunch meeting.

All in all, I’d say I had my motorcycle helmet on for about 15 minutes. When I arrived at my destination, took my helmet off, and caught a glimpse of myself in a nearby window reflection…OMG….my hair looked awesome!! It was like something out of a magazine, like an ad for Pantene or some other luxurious shampoo!!! I couldn’t stop touching it and swinging it around, like they do in all those shampoo commercials (almost tweaked my neck). It was, well, spectacular!

So you know what I’m thinking, right? This is my new hair routine…wash, dry, ride. I know, it takes some time, what with the 15 minute scooter ride and all, but my hair looked really really good, so I think it might be worth the time investment.

Wash, Dry, Ride, Repeat…………