The Great Swim Race….Smackdown @ the YMCA


The funniest shit happens to me when I go to the pool. Yesterday I got to race against a remote controlled speed boat. Me, lane #5. Speed boat, lane #2.



There I was, minding my own business, gettin’ my lap swimmin’ on, in a luxurious lane all to myself. I noticed the strangest thing a couple lanes over from me. Three guys in street clothes, standing on the deck, were launching a small remote controlled speed boat into lane #2.


I’m estimating the boat was about 16″ long, and a real beauty, as far as fake toy remote controlled water craft go. This is the YMCA, after all, so you know they’re not lettin’ in any trailer trash or riff raff with broken down water craft.


I yelled over to the guys,

That’s cool. How fast does that thing go?


They replied by puttin’ the petal to the metal to show me, and the boat took off like a bat out of hell. And then one guy yelled,

The fastest lap, so far, is twelve seconds


Twelve seconds! That’s fast. Faster than I swim. But I couldn’t help myself, ’cause I’m a non-recovered competitive freak, and I yelled back,

I want to race it!


And that was that. Game on! Boat in lane #2. Me in lane #5. One length of the pool. Winner take all (all of nothin’ except for bragging rights!)


The count down began….3….2….1….GO! And I swam my little heart out to the other end of the pool, taking only one breath along the way. And I touched the wall and looked up. And I could see the little boat in lane #2, still about 8 feet from the wall.


I raised myself up out of the water, pumped my fist in the air, and shouted out a great big WOOOOHOOOO  (just like the Olympic swimmers). I’d won!!!


But wait. This couldn’t be right. They must have let me win. I asked if they had run the boat on a slower speed. To which they replied,

No. We ran into the lane rope about half way.



I laughed loudly, and then yelled back,

Well, I am still the champion, unless someone disputes it!!


The woman in the lane next to me laughed. And she told me she’d watched the whole race. And, she told me that I was ahead of the boat the whole time, even prior to it crashing into the lane rope. Just sayin.’


So much fun to be had at the pool. I don’t understand why people tell me that lap swimming is boring! Maybe if it’s boring, you’re just not doing it right!! Come to the pool with me. I guarantee something weird and wonderful will happen!

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